informational text messages

You know that little skip in your heart when your phone beeps to tell you have a text message? The thought that someone is trying to reach out and touch you in the form of a quickly entered message with their keypad? Well, I had that feeling today until I realized that it was a text message from Cingular, telling me I can make international calls with my phone. How lame is that? I mean, there I was, thinking somebody loved me enough to text the very best, and it was only an advertisement. Thankfully, it was from Cingular, so it was free. I'd rather get random text messages from Weicher's pocket, because at least that tells me I'm in somebody's phonebook. Oh well, such is life.

Tomorrow, I'm headed back to Columbia, MO in anticipation of my ordination on Sunday afternoon. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing. Being ordained in my home church should be a truly wonderful thing. I've experienced God in so many ways in that church. I can't wait to celebrate God's call on my life in that place. Prayers for safe travel for me and everyone involved would be appreciated.

I ate Taco Bell for lunch today, and it was AWESOME!! I mean, that first bite of my soft taco and sip of Mountain Dew made me feel so good inside. There's probably something bad about that...desires of the flesh and all...but I loved it.

Finally, thanks to my good friend Wes for giving me a shout out yesterday. I was having one of those weeks, and it was great to hear the voice of one much beloved. I enjoyed having a conversation with someone who knows me in ways that only close long-term friends can know. Thanks Rabboni. If you think I wasn't psyched to hear your voice, well...you know.

Tennessee State Fair

This past Saturday, I ventured out to the Tennessee State Fair. The more I attend state fairs, the more I think that the Missouri State Fair is the king of state fairs. I have to say that this one was pretty lame. Unfortunately, most of the animals had already gone home, and the remaning attractions weren't very interesting.

This picture is of a Showbot. If I ever figure out how to put video on my blog, I'll include a video of their performance. They're basically these big shiny robot looking characters who "play" funk music and dance around and tell kids to stay in school and stuff like that. If you ever get to see the Showbots, you're in for a treat. :)

I was intrigued with the cross section of people I saw at the fair. The rich soccer Moms of Brentwood probably weren't there, but other than that, I saw people of different races and socioeconomic status milling around.

If I had had more money, I might have gone in to see the world's smallest bearded woman woman or the two headed turtle or one of the other random "freak show" type things. I mean, who wakes up one day and decides, "I'm gonna travel around the country and show weird stuff to people."?

Anyway, I attended the Tennessee Stat Fair and I was less than impressed. I probably won't go next year.

Daily Manna

Nothing like getting ahead of the game, right? I'm preaching on Exodus 16:2-15 this Sunday...God providing quails and manna. I'm emphasizing God's desire that we trust God for our daily bread. The Israelites had to harvest the manna every day except the sabbath. What does it look like in a world of refrigeration and canning to trust God for our daily bread? Is it merely acknowledging God's provision, or is it more than that? Couldn't the Israelites have given thanks for manna that lasted more than a day? What do you say to people who have no food, especially at the end of the month? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Two Neighborhoods

Yesterday, my day was framed by two neighborhoods. After getting worked by a trainer at Delta Fitness, I came home, recovered, and after a shower, sat down on the couch to eat lunch and watch some TV. As I was flipping channels, I came upon Mr. Rodgers' Neighborhood. What a great show!! I was mesmerized. I learned how crayons are made, labeled, packaged, and shipped. It was really interesting stuff. Mr. Rodgers did a drawring with crayons and talked about how if we only think about things, they stay in the world of make believe. He went on to say that sometimes we have to take action on our thoughts...we have to act in the world, not just think and talk about it. He admitted that his picture wasn't amazing, but that drawing it was what it was all about. I sat there and thought about how our offerings to God of time and energy may not be perfect (in fact, I'm pretty sure they aren't) but that it is in doing them that we find some sort of joy. As King Friday was telling Ms. Cow (the teacher in the land of make believe) about his idea for a drawing contest for the people in his kingdom, the phone rang, and I had to come back to the real world.
Then, last night, at our service and mission committee meeting, a woman came and spoke to us about her work at Martha O'Bryan, a local mission in "the black spot of Nashville" as she called it. She talked about children and youth who simply need people to come and read to them. She talked about how so many people on the gulf coast couldn't leave town because it was the end of the month so they didn't have money left to buy a bus ticket. She talked about a neighborhood in which the norm is to drop out of high school. She talked about a girl whose family is shunning her for going to a good college instead of the local Tennessee State.
It was really two different neighborhoods that I encountered, but both Fred Rodgers and Marcia Edwards were calling upon people to act on their thoughts and feelings...to leave the land of make believe and make a difference in the world.
I think that I'll begin using my Fridays as days to volunteer at Martha O'Bryan. It's time to quit talking about revolution and actually get into the thick of it.

"These people are strange..."

The following words come from an ongoing series of articles by Bernard-Henri Levy, entitled In the Footsteps of Tocqueville. Tocqueville was a Frenchman who traveled the United States early in her life and offered some amazingly astute commentary. Anyway, Levy has traced Tocqueville's steps and has written these articles from The Atlantic Monthly. In the paragraph that follows, he is writing about the neo-cons who currently hold so much political power:

These people are strange, is the gist of what he (someone Levy is interviewing) says to me. They've spent their whole lives preacing against giving too much power to the government. They told us to beware of the naivete of the social-engineering specialists who purported to be able to eradicate American poverty with one wave of their political wand. And then they lost all perspective as soon as it was a question of eradicating such poverty, along with the roots of despotism, 6,000 miles away. And they have complete faith in a political decision when it's an issue -- as a nation and a government are being constructed -- of winning not just the war but also the peace. And they adopt the same "messianic" tone for which they've so often reproached their progressive adversaries as soon as it's a matter of building a Western-style democracy, ex nihilo, in a country that's never harbored such a concept!

Interesting stuff huh?

A sad day...I have no game

It's now official. As this photo shows, the Buick, the Maroon Marauder, the hooptie, the official vehicle of Alan Bancroft has been towed away to be sold or used for spare parts or whatever. I donated the proceeds to the American Diabetes Association. I stood on my porch and watched as she was hoisted onto the tow truck and driven away. I didn't cry, but it was definitely an emotional moment. For all of you who have enjoyed her sweet ride, I hope that you'll remember her in your own way.

On a totally unrelated note, I had a moment the other day when I realized that I have absolutely, positively, no game. I was standing in the checkout line at Publix, and this cute girl in front of me turned around and began talking to me. After an initial "How are you?" I complimented her on her "ensemble," and then froze up. I just stood there like an idiot. This moment of "no game" brought to you by the letter L, for loser.

Almost September

I can't believe it's almost September. I mean, wasn't I just in Montreat yesterday? A month in Brentwood. The time has flown.

What does September bring?
...Labor Day-what the heck is Labor day anyway? I mean, what are we commemorating? Or, does it just mark a day after which you aren't supposed to wear white? Just wondering.
...Football seasons begin. I still think my favorite is high school football. So raw, so chaotic, so fun. I'll be attending a game on Friday night. As per always, I'll probably be more intrigued by the band than anything else.
...Marching band performances. I had a moment earlier today when I was transported to the front of Baldwin Hall at good old Truman State University...I was preparing to make the walk/march down to the stadium for a Saturday of Dawgs Football.
...A funk. It seems like September is always a funky month for me. With all the new beginnings you'd think I'd be pumped, but somehow I can sense the turning of the earth toward winter, and my soul lurches a bit. There's probably some deep seeded reason for the September blues, but for now, I'll blame it on shorter days and dreary weather.

What does September bring for you?

David's preaching on the Passover on Sunday. In a lectionary group discussion he mentioned a Midrash story in which the lamb is identified with an Egyptian god. It puts the keeping and slaughter of the lamp in a totally different context. With that understanding, the Israelites are holding a god captive and then slaughtering it...and all this with their traveling clothes on. Pretty bold stuff. Shows a big trust in God to deliver them. Part of me wondered if flag burning is similar in that it is destroying what some hold to be almost as precious as God. Do flag burners do so out of the same trust of a greater God who will deliver them? The analogy probably breaks down there, but somehow I see them as similar. I hope that David will pose the question of "What gods of culture do we need to capture and slaughter?" or something like that. Are there people in the world who make us Egyptians nervous because they slaughter our gods of capitalism, materialism, english as the only "true" language, security? Anyway, I've enjoyed thinking of the lamp as representation of a god...it makes the Israelites even more gutsy and bold and faithful.

All you need is love

Hello there Renderings fans. Over the past few days, the words, "All you need is love," keep popping up around me in some form or another:

This past Wednesday, I was lent a copy of Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince (I finished Friday night before I went to bed). At various times in the book, Harry questions Dumbledore's belief that, in the end, love always wins. Dumbledore explains that it was Harry's Mom's love for him that changed the course of wizarding history. As far as Dumbledore is concerned, love is more powerful than any evil, and he lives his life according to that. As I was reading this, I thought it was an interesting place to find something so closely tied to theology, especially with so many people proclaiming Harry Potter to be of the devil. I wonder if those who lambast it so have ever actually read a lick of it. Probably not.

At the same time I was reading Harry Potter (well, not the exact same time)I was preparing for worship. I sat down to go over the New Testament text, and it was Romans 12:9-21, which, in a nutshell, calls upon Christians to show love at all times, even to our enemies...especially to our enemies. We are called to overcome evil with good. As David so aptly pointed out in his sermon today, it's really a ridiculous summons...to never avenge ourselves, to feed our enemies, to give them water when they are thirsty. Do not pay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. Ridiculous stuff according to the standards of the world. Ridiculous stuff for people like you and me and Harry Potter.

But, God does indeed transform the world with love. It is God's love in Christ on the cross that transforms the world. I know it makes God seem like a trickster and comes out of a pre-modern worldview, or whatever, but I like the idea of the devil dancing around after Christ dies, thinking he's conquered everything, but then on Sunday, when Christ is raised, the devil sees that even death can't overcome God's love. In the end, Love wins...we have to keep saying it...Love wins...Love wins...LOVE WINS...LOVE WINS!!!

The Bears Drum Corps

OK, so I know I've been posting like crazy the last couple of days, but I just couldn't resist posting this picture. That's right folks...The Cavaliers and The Chicago Bears are joining forces. Former Cavaliers drummers will be performing at every home game. AWESOME!!! We're taking over the world baby!!!

90%

Youth Group Missions

Youth Group Missions:
Where over 90% of youth report growing
closer to God!
www.groupworkcamps.com

This was part of an e-mail that I receive from Group every couple of weeks. What a funny way to advertise your "product." I mean, what are youth going to say at the end of a week? "Nope, no growing closer to God...God sucks." This just struck me as a further attempt by those of a modern mindset to quantify an experience of God. Success is measured by how many youth report growing closer to God. I'm not sure that's...oh what's the word I want...adequate? That's not the right word, but hopefully those of you reading can help me out. I mean, what does "growing closer to God" really mean? OH well, I'm obviously not very eloquent right now. I just thought it was a funny ad.

A different view

So, tonight, as I was brushing my teeth, I realized that when I lean over the sink to spit, I always lead to the right of the faucet, you know, so I won't spit on the faucet and have toothpaste stuff all over the place. Anyway, I decided that tonight I would lean to the left side. In all honesty, it was a bit discombobulating. It was like I was looking at a different sink. I know it sounds silly, but that's how it felt. It's funny how a light difference in perspective can make something look so different. I should e-mail this experience to the emergent folks...I think they're trying to say something like, but in much more sophisticated ways.

The moral of the story: Lean the other way to spit every once in awhile.

The Orange Vibe

Here it is folks...the new Bancroft-mobile. I haven't come up with a name yet, but I'll let you know when I do. Officially, the color is Fusion. Pretty cool huh? Thanks to Mom and Dad for all the help in deciding on the car and all the mumbo jumbo that goes with buying a car.

There are giants in the sky

The title of this post has nothing to do with its contents, but I just listened to a great song from the musical Into the Woods that starts with those words. It's a song sung by Jack after he returns from his trip up the beanstalk. It's about gaining perspective after being in a different world. If you ever get a chance to see Into the Woods, see it. It's great.

The big news around here is that I bought a new car. Pictures of my new ride will appear shortly. I need to go outside and take some first. I bought a Pontiac Vibe. Pontiac calls it a Compact Utility Vehicle. It's kind of a souped up wagon of sorts. It's also orange (well, "fusion" according to Pontiac). It's pretty sweet having new wheels. I was pretty tired to having to worry about whether I'd return from my errands in my car or on foot.

Mom and Dad were here for the purchase. I had been looking, but having them here to explain things motivated me to get going. It's funny, but here I am, a 28 year old "adult," and yet, there were times in the cubicle with the dealer and then with the financing lady, that my gut reaction was to turn my head and look to Mom and Dad for help/answers. I wonder if that ever goes away. Many thanks to my loving parents for being supportive as I bought my first car. Also, many thanks to God for giving me parents who love me and always make me feel loved.

On a totally unrelated note, I ate lunch at Taco Bell yesterday as I was in the midst of other errands. As I sat there, reading my book and eating my double decker taco, I couldn't help but chuckle as the girl who worked there drug metal chair after metal chair away from the tables so she could sweep. Everyone sitting there would cringe as the chair would scrape across the floor. There she was, just doing her job with no apparent recognition of the fact that dragging the chairs was utterly obnoxious. I couldn't help but chuckle. I mean, why not wait until more people leave, or simply pick the chair up instead of dragging it. I don't know why it struck me as so funny, but it did.

This Sunday is Rally Day at Harpeth. We'll be presenting Bibles and explaining the basic flow of Sunday mornings now that "the late service" is at 10:00. I'm eager to see how I feel after my first Sunday in the regular routine.

I hope everyone out there is doing well.

Riding my bike

So, today, as I was out riding my bike for exercise, some jerks in a gas guzzling SUV drove by and threw a plastic bottle at me and proceeded to give me the finger. I took a bit of satisfaction in the fact that they almost had a wreck as they went around a bend in the road ahead. I wish I'd had a Nalgene bottle full of water to chuck at their car. That would have been awesome! Anyway, I'm just posting to express my rage at such inane behavior. It's like I'm insulting them somehow by riding my bike, or maybe the fact that they have to slow down a bit on a residential street annoys them. I don't really understand it, but apparently riding your bike on the street is worthy of acts of aggression. I seriously wonder, sometimes, if there's some sort of collective internal aggression that's brewing under the surface of people living in the United State of America in 2005. I think Michael Moore probably gets close to the heart of the matter in his film, Bowling for Columbine, when he points out that the United States and Canada have similar numbers of firearms available to the public, yet violent crimes involving guns is way higher in the United States. There's something about our culture that begets violence. I do think that some of it is that there are a lot of lonely people out there searching for something meaningful and coming up empty handed time after time. I also think it's hard to instill values of peace, compassion, and turning the other cheek, when our government provides the examples of invading countries with whom we disagree and continuing to implement the death penalty. "Hey, I think it's stupid that that guy's riding his bike on a residential street, so I have the right, and probably the obligation to throw something at him and demean him by flipping him off." Yeah, that sounds about right.

On a not completely unrelated note. I caught a bit of the Sean Hannity show last night at the gym. Nothing like walking into the locker room and hearing his voice, but anyway. He was talking to James Dobson. Dobson was, apparently, providing an example of what it's like to be stuck in modernity. He made some broad sweeping absolute claims about the use of science throughout history. First, in the context of a discussion about abortion, he said that human life should never be ended for utilitarian reasons. Now, I don't know where he falls down on the issue of the death penalty, but regardless, he's thrown a lot of support behind a political party that is more than supportive of the death penalty. Then, he was trying to defend something he apparently said recently. In clarifying, he said that science and technology have always (did you hear that? always) been used with ethics and morality in mind, except in Nazi Germany. OH MY GOSH!!! I couldn't believe he said that. He went on to talk about how Nazi Germany was the only instance of history of people using science in irresponsible ways with no regard for morality or ethics. OK, now I know that Harry Truman and his trusted advisors took morality and ethics into consideration as they debated the use of the atomic bomb, but in the end, they...we chose to use technology to destroy thousands of lives. They...we chose to end the lives of civilian Japanese in order to spare the lives of American soldiers. I'm not in the mood to get into a debate as to whether we should or should not have used the bomb, but that decision was a utilitarian one...one most likely based on morality, but utilitarian nonetheless. Now, don't hear my saying that Nazi Germany was good...at all. It was atrocious and it was depressing that the rest of the world took so long to intervene, but let's not act like technology is always used in ways that reflect a black and white world of right and wrong. It's amazing to me how uncritical people can be of comments like Dr. Dobson's. Not that I expected Sean Hannity to point any of that out, but still. Hopefully some people watching were struck by the absurdity of such an absolute claim. NO MORE ABSOLUTE CLAIMS!!! "Only Sith speak in absolutes."

OK, now that I'm all fired up at bedtimes, I think I'd better read something soothing to calm down. Peace to you all.

Lame bumper stickers

On my way to and home from work today, I got behind people with bumper stickers that said something like, "Don't be a girly-man...Vote Republican!" What a bunch of malarkey (sp?). There are so many things wrong with that bumper sticker. First of all, for a party that's trying to reinvent itself as being in favor of womens issues, it's pretty demeaning to women. "You don't want to be like a girl, do you? They're really weak and stupid and do dumb things, like voting for democrats." Second, an underlying implication is that if you don't support the war in Iraq (which apparently 54% of Americans now say was a bad idea...welcome to the party folks), you're just a big sissy who could care less about all of the people who lost their lives in the 9/11 attacks. Finally, a bumper sticker like that simply caters to the lowest common denominator. It doesn't say anything. It sounds like a jackass bully who steals money on the playground and calls people names. I know I shouldn't let stuff like that get to me, but today it did.
On a note of my own, I'm including a picture of my favorite bumper sticker that I've seen lately



Simply stated...requires a certain level of refinement to understand...right on the mark.

My driver...Carl Edwards.

Litterbugs SUCK!

I went running yesterday, and besides the fact that I didn't even make it two miles without having to walk, I was pretty disgusted by the amount of litter I saw on the side of the road. I mean, I couldn't go three paces without seeing a beer bottle or a sonic cup or some other pile of trash. There is just no reason for that. If you have trash in your car, take it home with you. If you happen to be walking, hike out what you hike in. I don't understand how people can be so abusive of creation and nature. Maybe violators should be tossed out of a moving car like the trash they decided to cast away. It was just sad to see the way that humankind mistreats the gift of creation. Responsible Stewards? I wonder...I really wonder.

New Tags

Yes, it's true...the Buick, the Maroon Marauder, the Biggity hooptee is now officially registered and titled in the state of Tennessee. I still give the old double take when I come up on it in parking lots. I think to myself, "Alan, there's a car that looks just like yours...and it has the same stickers...and, oh wait, it is yours silly," only I don't call myself silly, because that would be, well, silly I suppose. :) So, if you see my car driving around, don't worry, it hasn't been sold and/or stolen and taken to TN. It's still in my possession.

Lord of the Rings

Over the past few days, I've been watching the extended DVD of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. It is truly an amazing movie. This evening I watched the final scenes that come after the ring has been destroyed and the hobbits have returned to the Shire. I was particularly moved by the scene when Frodo boards the boat to sail away with the elves. Watching the tearful goodbyes of Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin reminded me that I've heard the song "Walk on the Ocean" a number of times over the past few days. Between that final scene, and the lyrics of that great Toad the Wet Sprocket song, I began to feel nostalgic. In that scene from LOTR, we see four friends who have been through an amazing adventure together, and while they may have told other Shirelings about it, there's no way that any of them can understand. There's something special about sharing the experience of that adventure. I'd say that some of their tears come as a result of knowing that one less person will understand them and the adventure that shaped their lives. There have been a number of times in my life when I've felt that way to one degree or another: the final day of Montreat (especially after serving on a planning team), walking through the age out line with The Cavaliers, watching best friends leave for college, seminary graduation.

now we're back at the homestead
where the air makes you choke
and people don't know you
and trust is a joke
we don't even have pictures
just memories to hold
that grow sweeter each season
as we slowly grow old

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Here's another hymn that warms my soul:

->Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above;
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of God's unchanging love!

->Here I raise my Ebenezer,
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

->O to grace how great a debor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to thee:
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for They courts above.

Let that grace now, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to thee... What a great thought....that God's grace causes us to be bound to God in an unbreakable way...that our freedom as people of the way doesn't mean we're free to do whatever the heck we want, but that we are bound to the righteousness and love of God...that we are free to be the people God intended us to be...freed from sin so that we may be bound to God. I like it.

Green Feather

Here I am as Green Feather. The mask holds all of the powers of Green Lantern's ring, with the added bonus of magic feathers so I can fly...Dumbo style. I made the mask at the superhero party at Montreat on Monday night. Good times.

Zombie Party

This is a picture of me and my new friend Cameron Kuntz. As you can probably tell, she's a zombie. Despite all of my efforts as Green Feather (you know, all of the powers of Green Lantern, with the added bonus of Dumbo-like magic feathers so I can fly), I was unable to prevent her from turning me into a zombie. Good times at Montreat.

Week two

Hey folks. It's Sunday afternoon and we're about to begin our second week of youth conference here at Montreat. the first week went swimmingly. Keynote was powerful. Worship was awesome. As far as I can tell, recreation was great, even though it had to be inside a lot. Our music leader, John Lee, did a fabulous job. I'm a big fan.

I was hoping to include a picture from another blog, but couldn't find it, so I'll just explain it. the blog is www.postsecret.com. It's a place where people put up secrets in the form of postcards. It's pretty wild stuff. Anyway, the one I was going to post says, "Everyone who knew me before 9/11 thinks I'm dead." Can you imagine that? Can you imagine having no contact with all of the people in your life after a certain date? It makes me sad just to think about it. I imagine this person had a life they weren't so excited about, or people in their life who kept them from feeling like a real person. Still, it made me sad when I saw it. One more time when I felt extremely grateful for all of the wonderful people in my life...a family that loved and loves me, friends who allow me to be me, a church community that constantly reminds me that I'm a child of God. Thanks to all of you out there who have been people I would never want to lose or be separated from.

Darth Vader-Columbia Style

I just couldn't resist taking this picture as Dan Stephens was putting on his costume for the opening night skit here at Montreat. The Dark Side is strong with Columbia Theological Seminary graduates. Thankfully, the great Jedi Napoleon Dynamite was present to defeat the dark lord (See below).

Me and Katie in Ft. Collins

This is me and my awesome friend, Katie Jeffries. We're sitting outside Mugs coffee shop in Fort Collins, CO near the end of our half-week of fun...kind of like a nickel bag of funk, but different. Anyway, I had a great time hanging out with her for a few days before heading over to Colorado State for the Montreat West Conference.

I'm currently in Montreat, NC getting ready to implement two weeks of youth conferences. The planning team is hard at work, and our leadership showed up yesterday. Today I'm thankful for an awesome innie team that's rockin' and rollin' with little or no supervision. God is really good...All the time. Called By Name-The Theta Version is on it's way.

Fort Collins Fun

--I'm currently hanging out at Colorado State University, in Ft. Collins, CO. I'm here with the Montreat West Youth Conference folks, getting ready to implement a totally rad conference. the youth show up tomorrrow, and everybody seems pretty psyched. That last sentence was brought to you by a person who has lived with Kevin Day for a year...Anyway, I actually flew into Ft. Collins on Wednesday and spent the last few days hangin' out with my best bud from college, Katie Jeffries. We spent some time up at the Rocky Mountain National Park. It was absolutely amazing. God's creation really is beautiful. We hiked a mile or so up a trail and sat by a waterfall...the sound of the water drowns out all other sounds....amazing.
--I feel like there was something we discussed in small group leader training that i wanted to blog about, but now I can't remember. I really need to write that stuff down. It seems like a fun group of folks. It's great to see people like Marci, Amy Kim, Beth Watson, John Ryan, and various other folks.
--OK, that's all for now. Look for updates as we get into some theological meanderings this week. I'll probably be pretty fired up.
--Oh, speaking of being fired up, last week the U.S. House of Representatives passed an amendment to the constitution to give congress the right to ban flag burning. Can you believe that crap?? I mean, don't we have more important things to worry about? Funny that a political party that's all about "smaller government" is introducing constitutional amendments, trying to intervene in state related right to life issues, and calling for more and more money to support a war that most people think is utterly ridiculous. By "funny," I mean ridiculously sad. Seriously!!! Why does it matter if people burn a flag? Does the water quit running? do buildings crumble to the ground? Do earthquakes threaten to engulf our nation when that happens? I think not!!! OK, that is all for now. As always, any comments would be awesome!

Chillin' in Decatur

• I have now moved most of my possessions to Nashville, TN (the Bellevue area for those in the know). I guess that means that I'm for real moving there. Thanks to the youth and adults from Harpeth who helped me move in: Jamie, Tyler, Natalie, Sarah, David, Carrie, Abbie, Cayla, and Nate. I think that's everyone.
• Right now I'm hangin' out in Decatur with my boy, the Rabboni, Wes Goldsberry. We had a good session of wiffle ball batting practice last night. The air was heavy, so we all sounded like Darth Vader out there, trying to suck in oxygen amidst the water in the air.
• On Wednesday, I fly to Denver, and then take a shuttle to Ft. Collins, CO. I'll spend a few days with my good friend Katie Jeffries, and then report for duty at Colorado State University to help out with the Montreat West conference. it should be a fun ten days. Look for updates from Montreat West.
• On July 5th, I head to Montreat, NC to co-direct the auditorium aspects of the youth conference there. Look for thoughts and meanderings about keynote, worship, and various other aspects of Montreat Youth Conference. Hopefully I'll see some of you folks there.
• Finally, be in prayer for all of my peeps who will be implementing the Mansanetta Middle School Conference up in Virginia. It's exciting for me to think that so many of us will be spending so much time sharing the gospel with so many youth from all over the country. Thank God for places like Montreat and Mansanetta.

Be Thou My Vision

Over the past few days, I've had the words of this great hymn running through my head:

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
naught be all else to me, save that thou art
thou my best thought by day or by night,
waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, and thou my true work
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord;
thou my redeemer, my love thou hast won,
thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor vain, empty praise,
thou mine inheritance, now and always:
thou and thou only, first in my heart,
Great God of heaven, my treasure thou art.

Great God of heaven, my victory won,
may I reach heaven's joy, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

Finding Neverland

I watched the movie Finding Neverland this evening. What a great film! I love the way that reality blends into imagination blends into neverland. It's amazing to me that a man who has brought joy and wonder to so many children suffered so much pain in his own. There are a couple of scenes in which James Barry talks about moments in a child's life when reality presses in to such a great degree that the child disappears...the child is replaced with an adult. It makes me sad to think that that can happen to children at such a young age. It makes me so thankful that a world was created for me so that I could simply be Peter Pan and yell "Bang-a-Rang!!!" in a variety of ways. The move makes one wonder about the power of imagination and our ability to change the reality around us simply by imagining the change. Of course, there are limits to this, but it's still a fascinating idea. Is this what we do when we talk about the Kingdom of God? Is this what Jesus was doing as he both embodied and taught about the Kingdom? Does God use our faith to transform the world? Any thoughts?

Stupid Computer

Hey folks. I know it's been quite awhile since my last post. Much of that has to do with the fact that my computer crashed hard as soon as I finished up my school work. Thankfully, it waited until after I wrote all of my papers. Anyway, I've been a busy bee since my last post.

• Graduation: Yes, that's right, the seminary actually let me graduate. I now have a Masters of Divinity. I'll be sure to post some pictures once I can get them loaded onto a computer. My Mom, Dad, and Sister were all here, as well as my Aunt Carolyn, Marvin, Christyl, Nicole and Nadiah. Thanks to my family for showing up. My great friends Tom and Nicole also came. Unfortunately, it cost them a busted car. Some idiot ran into them as they were coming out of a parking space. Anyway, it was a festive day nonetheless.
• Emergent Convention: Last week I was in Nashville for the Emergent Convention. I'll probably blog on some of my thoughts from the week at a later date (I had to actually write them down on paper because my computer was busted...GOSH!!). I was glad to get a glimpse of the community that's been so important for my good friend Mark Shivers
• STAR WARS: Yes, I made it to Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith on opening night. It was so awesome. So much darkness and sadness. I'm sure I'll see it a couple more times.
• Hangin' at Harpeth: After emergent I spent some time in Brentwood with my Harpeth Presbyterian peeps. It was a great weekend full of potlucks, BBQs, and fun times. I'm so psyched about getting up there and beginning my ministry with the youth and families of Harpeth.

Well, that's the basic rundown of my life lately. Look for some more thoughtful posts in the near future.

Loneliness

Sometimes I feel like loneliness creeps up on me...like the shadow of a building in the path of the setting sun. Sometimes I find myself surrounded by people, and yet a sick, sinking feeling finds its way into my heart...a feeling of not being known, a feeling of invisibility. Sometimes I wish we had transporters, so that I didn't have to walk away, or say goodbye before walking away...so I didn't have to say goodbye to people who have actually forgetten I was even standing there...say goodbye in a way that reveals the loneliness I'm feeling...say a goodbye that makes the people around me feel a little ashamed for forgetting that I was there. Yeah, sometimes I wish we had transporters. I hate that loneliness that creeps up on me...like water that overflows its boundaries.

Cars you know

This morning, as I was driving the 1.5 miles home from the seminary, I passed three cars going the other way. Before getting close enough to see who was driving, I already knew who it was, because I know my friends' cars. Katie in the red sporty thing...Davis in the Expedition...Tricia in the Honda. There's something comforting about being in a community where you know what everyone drives. I'm going to miss that next year. I'm going to miss Lindsey in the blue Saturn, Laurie in the silver Honda, Weicher in the green whatever, Jonathan in the maroon buick (but not as maroon as my buick), Shannon in the red SUV, Shelli in the maroon Toyota, Leah in the maroon Saturn with the Grinnell sticker, Shivers in the maroon explorer wow, there's a lot of maroon cars at seminary, Kevin in the silver Honda, and all of the other cars that signify a good friend. Yeah, I'm going to miss that.


The Maroon Marauder...One of the recognizable cars of Columbia Theological Seminary

One Week Left

• Well, actually, it's a little less than a week. All of my work is due on Thursday, May 5th. That's right, Cinco de Mayo. Right now I'm working on a paper of World Christianity. This is one of those papers that kind of pisses me off. We've been given five bullet points, all of which are kind of related, but which have to be answered separately. I'm currently loathing the whole class because of this paper. What's up with making senior write such a tough paper at the end of seminary. I swear we should be able to write one page summaries at the end of each class telling the professor what we learned during the semester. That, or every senior should get to opt out of one paper. I have a feeling most of us would opt out of this World Christianity paper.
• Cinco de Mayo is a holiday time, a holiday time in Mexico. Cinco de Mayo is a holiday time...to the fiesta we'll go, go, go. LA LA LA LA LA! Those are the words to a song I remember singing in elementary school. Maybe my sister Anna can fill in the lyrics for the verse. I can't ever remember them.
• I went to church at Oakhurst Presbyterian Church today. I really should have been going there throughout seminary. I enjoy the atmosphere. Nibs doesn't mind addressing some issues. I was particularly fond of the way they introduced their plans for Pentecost Sunday. They're encouraging everyone to invite someone. In the announcements, Nibs said something like, "Invite your friends, your family, your neighbors, your enemies...they won't be enemies after we worship God together." How awesome is that? Invite your enemies to church. What a novel concept. I just love that.
• Nibs also called for us to be people of the dove. Indeed, what a different world we might live in if everyone covenanted to live as people of the dove...the dove of peace...the dove of the spirit...the dove of understanding.
• Something I'm thankful for: Good friends. People I can shoot the bull with and have fun with. For example, Clay Thomas just walked in and chatted it up for a minute. Good friends. For example, Lindsey Wade and Mark Shivers went to Martinis and Imax with me on Friday night. Good friends. Yeah, I'm thankful for that.

Pre Prom Party

Here I am before seminary prom. I'm drinking Shiner Bock from the keg that Davis and I purchased. That's right, folks, Pre Prom Party...P3 (that's P cubed).
Before Prom

To Harpeth and back

• I drove up to Brentwood, TN this weekend to talk more specifically about my call to Harpeth Presbyterian Church. It was a great weekend. I had fun hanging out with folks from the church on Saturday and Sunday. Sunday morning, some of the younger youth of the church did a musical about Shadrach, Meshach, and Obednigo. Something like, "The Cool Furnace." It was great. Highly enjoyable.
• On the way up to TN, I was struck by how many of those darned ribbon magnets I saw on people's cars. Some cars had three magnets telling me to, "Support Our Troops." I mean, do you really need three, one yellow, one stars and stripes, and one camoflauge. I finally saw one that was more of an indicative statement rather than an imperative. It actually said, "I Support Our Troops." At least that person wasn't telling me what to do. I have to say that I think the magnets are getting ridiculous. I was chatting with my roommate Davis about this the other day. He raised the question, "Are you really supporting the troops in a helpful way by buying a maget, slapping it on your car, and letting it fade in the sunshine?" He had heard a soldier say that he didn't see it as that supportive. We began to talk about whether it might be more supportive to write letters to a lonely soldier, or send care packages to one's local batallion. Some of us feel like we're supporting our troops by calling for their early return from harm's way. I'd be interested in any thoughts about magnets and their relationship to supporting our troops.
• Speaking of comments...While I love it that people are actually reading this thing and making comments, I would love it even more if you would sign your name at the end of comments. No need to join blogger, although that would be fun too. Just sign a name at the end of the comment would help me gain a bit of insight into the wonderful people who are reading.
• This past week at school I felt like every day was full of blog material. I think I've already commented on how disappointed I was with the seminary community for failing to show up for Colloquium, mostly because people didn't like the topic, or assumed that the speakers would be too, "Evangelical," or, "Conservative." Awesome...just ignore those who think differently that you do. Anyway, that bummed me out.
• We were reading Karl Barth in Christology class last week. Sometimes I really love Barth, and then sometimes I just want to strangle him and say, "Get someone to edit your stuff!!!" I love it that he calls us to believe that Jesus Christ is really God With Us...as in, God was really in Christ, reconciling the world to God's self...that God suffered...that God shows God's hand by being truly present in Jesus Christ. My colleague Shelli Latham is write that we don't hear that enough, but does Barth have to say it on every page. Maybe we could space it out amongst other theologians so he doesn't have to say it all the time.
• OK, so much rambling. Three more weeks until graduation. That's crazy. Prayers for me and my seminary colleagues would be greatly appreciated.

Wishing I had the energy to blog

Hey there, folks. It's closing in on midnight on a random Thursday night, and yet again, I'm feeling too exhausted to contribute anything of any substance to my blog. I feel like I have so many things I've wanted to share lately, but haven't made time to do so. I'm hoping that tomorrow I can get some thoughts down. For now, know that all is well in Decatur. We had seminary prom last Saturday...what a blast. Our house hosted the Pre Prom Party (P cubed for short). Good times. This weekend I'm headed up to Brentwood, TN to, "negotiate terms of call," with Harpeth. Hell if I know what to negotiate. I have some basic ideas, but have no idea about specifics. Any advice would be helpful. OK, off to sleep land with the hope of free time for productive blogging tomorrow.

Spring Break 2005

Last week I was at the beach in Pawleys Island, SC. Big thanks to the Chappells from Columbia, SC for letting a bunch of seminarians crash at their lovely beach house. It was a great week of relaxation and rejuvenation for us all. The core group was Lindsey Wade, Laurie Taylor, John Weicher, and I, with guest appearances from Mark Shivers, Brad Clayton, and Shannon Edgerton. Good times with good friends.
So, I know that some of you are wondering if I've made a decision about where I'll be next year (and a few years after that). Well, I have accepted a call to serve as the Association for Youth and Families at Harpeth Presbyterian Church in Brentwood, TN. It's a 250 member church just south of Nashville. The people there are awesome, and I'm excited about the ministry that the church is doing. There was something about the place that just felt right. Whether you want to call that, "the gut," or the Holy Spirit, I don't know, but something kept saying, "Alan, Harpeth is the place for you." I don't know where I'll be living yet, or really much else than that I'm going there. Thanks to everyone for their words of support and encouragement as I've gone through the call process.
Finally, tomorrow, April 12th, is my birthday. On that date, in 1977, Alan Bancroft entered the world. I'm looking forward to celebrating with folks at Sweetwater on Thursday afternoon.

Incarnation

I came across quite a quandry in Christology class today. We were discussing some John Calvin and his take on the incarnation. Calvin spent a couple of sections refuting a guy named Osiander who,

• "asserts that man was created in God's image because he was fashined according to the pattern of the Messian to come, that man might conform to him wome the Father had already determined to clothe with flesh. From this, Osiander infers that if Adam had never fallen from his original and upright condition, Christ would still have become man."

So, the questions I pose to you who are reading are these: Would Christ have still become human if Adam had never fallen? If not, does incarnation become contingent on the fall? Is saving humankind from fallenness all that is accomplished in the incarnation?

Any thoughts would be helpful as I try to work through this.

Smells

As I sat in downtown Decatur today, so many different smells assaulted, no approached my olfactory senses. Smells of food, smells of people, smells of industry, smells of animals, smells of who knows what. What is it about smells that take us back to distinct moments in time.

• As I was sitting at Java Monkey, I smelled something, a perfume or someone's shampoo, or something that took me back to 305 Centennial Hall, 1995. It just smelled like our room, or the hallway, or something. Ryan, Renee, Colleen, and all the rest of the Towne Hall crowd. 305 Centennial Hall.
• As I walked to the Decatur square, I smelled a perfume that made my mind conjure up an ex-girlfriend...one that was intoxicating, and who made me think, and who made my head spin. I was transported to 2122 Tugaloo Ave...sitting on the porch being told, "I just can't be anybody's girlfriend right now."...my head spinning with those words while being intoxicated by the perfume or the pheremones, I don't know which. 2122 Tugaloo Ave.
• At truck stops, the smell of diesel takes me back to the cook truck, getting my snack after a performance with The Cavaliers. Standing there in khaki shorts, with my shirt off, wearing my gears, eating a PBJ or banana pudding or leftover lasagna and enjoying the caucaphony of sounds around me...horns playing melodies, drums playing "licks," flag poles and rifles striking the ground, tour buses pulling out of the parking lot. Ah, the sweet smell of diesel. The parking lot after a show.
• The musty smell in Tom and Nicole's upstairs that takes me back to Grandpa and Grandma's house...the mustiness of lives lived that house...laughter, tears, secrets, hugs, rants, raves, meals shared...coating the house with layers of life...mustiness.

Anyway, I'm amazed at how smells can take you to a different time and place.

Lenten Discipline

• I just spent a wonderfully beautiful afternoon in downtown Decatur. The sun is shining, people are outdoors enjoying the weather, and I had a great time. I got some reading done for school and did some people watching as well. Thank God for sunny Saturdays.
• I don't think I've blogged about my lenten discipline for this year. I decided to give up driving places by myself unless: 1. I was going out of town, or 2. I was on my way to pick someone else up. It's been an interesting lenten season. This has meant walking or riding my bike to school, or getting the occasional ride with a roommate. It has curtailed my random trips to the grocery store, Target, or any other random place I think I need to go at any given moment. For the most part, it's been a good discipline, and one which gave me some time to reflect on the sacrifices we make in relation to the sacrifice of Christ. At times, it's meant that I've been a burden to others, or that I simply didn't go do things I wanted to. It's also meant some creative meals when I realized I was out of groceries and none of my roommates was planning a trip to the grocery store anytime soon. Hopefully it's made me more mindful of those who don't really have a choice in the matter of whether to drive because they don't own a vehicle or have access to one...those who rely on public transportation to get them around a big city like Atlanta. I should probably be more mindful of those folks when I say things like, "I need a new car." Anyway, in less than 24 hours, I'll be back in the Buick. I'm sure the people who have carted me around all lent will be happy.
• I'm not sure if I've commented yet on my friend Julian Jackman and his involvement with an armed robbery. If so, oh well, I feel like commenting again. I thought of him today as I had my legs extended and resting on a chair on front of me as I sat at Java Monkey. I thought, "Man, if someone fell on my legs right now, they'd snap in two." Then, I thought about the time I broke my friend Cory's leg on the playground at Ridgeway Elementary school in Columbia, MO. He was leaning on a fence, waiting for his turn at four square. I jumped to hit a ball and landed squarely on his leg. He arrived at school the next day with a cast and using crutches. It ends up that I had broken his leg...Utterly ridiculous considering at the time he probably weighed twice as much as I did, and I was total pipsqueak. Thankfully, he didn't hate me (for too long), and our friendship remained intact. As we passed through middle school and high school, Cory became Julian (using his first name instead of his middle name), and we grew apart. He played football, while I hung out with the band and choir kids. There was still a fondness between us, but we definitely didn't hang out on the weekends. Anyway, I hadn't thought about Julian (Cory) for quite awhile until a friend sent me a link to a news story from the Columbia Tribune. It ends up that Julian has been tied to an armed robbery in which the victim ended up dying after being beaten repeatedly. It makes me sad to think that my friend Cory...whose leg I broke in elementary school...who survived an awful car accident in high school...who always seemed so jovial and caring would be involved with something like that. I mean, did he plan the robbery? Did things get out of hand? Was he really there at all? What happened in the ten years since we graduated in our green robes and yellow tassles that would lead Julian to commit a crime of that magnitude? Why is he in jail and I'm about to graduate from seminary? It makes me sad. One day Cory is telling me that he's mad at my Mom because she makes him do his math right (my Mom volunteered as a teacher's aid in elementary school) and the next day Julian is involved in the death of another human being. Anyway, for those of you think to pray for such things, please pray for my friend Julian, and his family, and the family of the victim, and, well, for all of the other Julians out there.

Hosanna to Hallelujah

• That's right folks...It's Holy Week! This past Sunday I attended church here in Atlanta, and while they gave everyone a palm branch (for Palm Sunday), we never go to wave them! I mean, what is that? The choir processed in with the palm branches hidden lamely beneath their hymnals. I made a couple of attempts to wave mine, but nobody around me seemed to catch on. On the interstate on the way home, we were stuck in traffic, so Lindsey Wade and I rolled down our windows and waved our palms for all our fellow traffic sufferers to see. Not exactly a triumphal entry, but still.
• The title of this post occured to me yesterday as I was sitting in Christology class. We were talking about Martin Luther's Heidelberg Disputation. At one point, he writes: "Now it is not sufficient for anyone, and it does him no good to recognize God in his glory and majesty, unless he recognizes him in the humility and shame of the cross." In the context of Holy Week, I thought this was interesting material to consider. I mean, isn't that what a majority of Christians in our society do? We show up for church on Palm Sunday, wave our palms (sometimes), cry out Hosanna, Hosanna, and celebrate that Christ has arrived, and then go home for a week, buy a nice new Easter outfit, and then show up on Easter Sunday to cry Hallelujah, Jesus Christ is Risen Today. Somehow, we go from glory to glory, and miss the humility and shame of the cross along the way. Yes, I know that some folks attend Good Friday services or Maundy Thursday services, but definitely not as many as are in church on the bookend Sundays of Holy Week. Why is it that we want to skip over Friday and Saturday? Does it remind us too much of our own brokenness? Are we afraid of what it means for God to die on a cross? Thankfully, Luther, and theologians to follow, remind us that the glory and majesty of God only make sense in light of the humility and shame of the cross. So, my challenge to you and to me is to spend some more time living in between the Hosannas and the Hallelujahs.
• While I'm thinking about Luther, I thought I'd share another great quote, "Therefore sinners are attractive because they are loved; they are not loved because they are attractive." Yes, that's right, God does not love you because of all the good stuff you do, God does not love you because you go to church every Sunday, God does not love you because you have a pretty face, God does not love you because you give money to charity, God does not even love you because you've brought a thousand people to faith in Jesus Christ. God loves you in spite of all these things. God chooses to love us out of God's great love, and therefore, we are made attractive. We don't get any of the credit...none of it. Isn't that a liberating thought? God loves me, and has freed me from the bondage of sin, so now I'm free to live in relationship and according to God's will.
• Finally, thanks to all of you who have read my previous posts about the struggle that goes into deciding where I will serve the church in the coming years, and have posted encouraging words/thoughts. I appreciate that.

It's been awhile...so some people say

• Alas, I have failed in my effort to blog at least once a week this semester. Please accept my deepest apologies. Life has been way busy, and I've been too busy dealing with my thoughts to type them out...if that makes sense.
• Since my last post, I have traveled to Nashville, TN to visit Harpeth Presbyterian Church and to Arlington Heights, IL to visit First Presbyterian Church there. Both visits were good...nice people, cool churches. This whole call process thing is so difficult. Just this week, I had to call a church and tell them that I wouldn't be accepting the call they extended me. I mean, I go to these places and meet wonderful people, and in the end, I can only choose to serve one church. In some ways I feel like Pippin in the musical of the same name, when he tries to find himself by experiencing everything. There's a great line near the end of the musical that goes, "...and if I'm never tied to anything, I'll never be free." I know that at some point, I need to make a commitment to a church and really plunge into its community and become a minister for her people. I suppose I'm struggling a bit with the notion of, "what if there's something better just around the corner?" Anyway, for those who care, I'll probably be making the decision in a few days, and I'll be sure to blog as soon as I do.
• On a related note, thanks to my good friend Lindsey Wade for helping me sort through some of my thoughts with regard to the church I'm leaning toward. Boy, that's an awkward sentence. Oh well, I'm feeling a bit awkward lately. It just feels so hard to sit down and talk about the call process with my fellow students who are looking for similar positions. I feel like I've been pegged as some sort of, "chosen one" by my peers. I mean, I know they're just kidding, but I can sense a seriousness behind the jesting. Am I supppsed to quit being Alan Bancroft? Am I supposed to be sorry for being gregarious? Am I supposed to apologize for being a male in a church that, in some places, still values a male minister over a female minister? It's never my intention to brag about the fact that churches are calling me, but when people ask, I also don't want to lie. Anyway, thanks to Lindsey for not making me feel bad about having options.
• MARCH MADNESS BABY!!! That's right, it's that time of year again. Even though my bracket usually falls apart in the first round, I love these days of non-stop college basketball. If I didn't have a retreat to lead this Saturday, I would probably sit in front of the TV all day and watch basketball. Good luck to all of you in your office, church, home, and school pools.
• I think I'm really ready for the sweet, hazy days of summer. You know, those days when it's light until after 9:00...when you can sit out on your front porch and play the guitar after work...when you have hours of daylight to enjoy the world and the people in the world...when you can sit out on decks and porches at bars, drinking and telling funny stories...when there's always a baseball game on TV...when kids are out of school...when it's warm and sunny and wonderful. Yeah, I'm ready for summer.

Napoleon Dynamite

Hey folks...If you like Napoleon Dynamite, you should check out this link of him doing the top ten list for Dave Letterman. Enjoy.
http://collegehumor.com/?movie_id=106148

Justice and Mercy

• I've decided that I need to carry around a little pad of paper to write down all of the, "clever," thoughts I have throughout the day. Usually by the time I sit down to blog, I've forgotten everything.
• Thanks to those who have posted comments with regard to my thoughts on leadership. It's my hope that I'll spend my life working on my leadership style, but it's kind of cool doing a more intensive look as I prepare to go out into the church.
• So, the love of God. Hmm...This week the tension between the mercy of God and the judgment/justice of God has popped up in almost every class. It seems to me that we, as Presbyterian seminarians, seem fairly comfortable proclaiming the mercy of God to one another and to the masses, but recoil in fear at the prospect of proclaiming anything as God's justice and/or mercy. We're told that mercy and justice are both aspects of God's love for creation, and that we must hold them both in tension, but yet we're afraid of justice. It might be interesting to chat about whether there's a difference between judgment and justice. In any case, I wonder if we are adequately proclaiming the love of God if we leave out God's desire for justice in the world. What does the justice of God look like? Do we really know what the mercy of God looks like?
• Yeah, I haven't done too well in my endeavor to greet people with, "Peace be with you," instead of, "How ya doin'?"
• I have spoke with the tongue of angels...I have held the hand of the devil...It was warm in the night...I was cold as a stone...But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
• In chapel this morning I was struck by a couple of verses in Jeremiah: They all deceive their neighbors, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongues to speak lies; they commit iniquity and are too weary to repent. Oppression upon oppression, deceit upon deceit! They refuse to know me, says the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:5-6) What powerful words. That they (we) are so caught up in lying and deceiving, oppressing a being deceitful, that we are too weary even to repent. I wonder if, at the end of the day, I've spent so much time lying to God, myself, and my neighbor that I'm too weary to do anything other than drift into the sweet escape of sleep. It makes me sad to think that this is so. Sometimes I don't think it's so, but sometimes it is. Does our nation, as we bring "freedom" to the world spend it's days lying, deceiving, oppressing, being deceitful, and committing iniquity with such fervor that as the sun sets on our manifest destiny the nation is too weary to repent...to turn around...to seek wholeness in the arms of the one from whom all gifts come?
• My final thoughts for today come as a rampage on Vanderbilt divinity school. This week, two of my roommates received rejection letters from that place. It makes me wan to drive over there after my interview this weekend and burn it to the ground. Not really burn it to the ground, but at least spit on the grounds or something. My heart is tender for my revivalist preacher roommate Mark. He has stepped out in boldness into a whole new world, and is in danger of being left in the lurch. That sucks.
• Coming soon: A poem entitled Intoxication.

Chapel today...The power of Grace

• I had the opportunity to participate in an amazing chapel service this morning. CTS student James Joyner was preaching on the Last Supper scene as it's found in Mark. He was talking about how the church and christians have become bedmates with the evil that they are supposed to be fighting against. He talked about how The Satan doesn't even have to fight anymore, because we do his work for him. When he started talking about those who have given their lives in order to fight evil, he got emotional. It was amazing how supportive the community was...how present the spirit was in that moment. His next words testified to the resurrection of Christ as a testament to the grace of God. The grace of God truly is an amazing thing...so amazing that it conquers even death. As he closed, he offered his body and blood to the service of Christ's mission in the world. Powerful stuff!!! When Dr. Stroup invited us to the table, his line about, "Don't come because you deserve it, but because of the grace of God," I shed a few tears. Why is it that grace doesn't bring about that kind of response on a more regular basis? Anyway, it was an emotional service.
• My friend Ani raised a great question as we walked out? Why do we greet each other with, "Peace of Christ," as we leave chapel, but as soon as we get 500 yards away, we slip back into, "How ya doin?" I think I'm going to make an effort to greet more people with Peace of Christ for a few days. It's such a better way of greeting someone.

Seminary is a funny place

• Seminary really is a funny place. I sat through a three hour class the other night where I witnessed a great deal of skepticism and negativity. I mean, one of my classmates got worked up because our seminary is planning to have a fire drill. I think I heard him say, "fear mongering." That, or the seminary wants to make sure people can get out of one of our antiquated buildings adequately in case of a fire. Just because an establishment suggests something doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad. It doesn't necessarily mean it's good, but still. I just walked out feeling like people are so negative sometimes. I mean, I tend to run on the cynical side from time to time, but I try to follow up my negativity with some thought on how to make things better. I found it interesting that we just skipped past our professor telling a story that culminated with the question, "How do I make the party better?" Looking back, I wonder if he told that story as a corrective to the negativity in the room. Anyway, seminary is a funny place.
• We also talked about the importance of being comfortable in one's own skin...Being comfortable with yourself. We all agreed that we are drawn to following people who seem to have that quality. I think that might be what I was trying to get at in earlier discussions when I suggested that some people are natural leaders, and that others, no matter how much training they receive, will never be comfortable as leaders. I wonder if the more elemental question has to do with being comfortable as...well, as whoever you happen to be. As our conversation progressed, I sensed a huge uneasiness with claiming personal leadership styles. Does that have to do with low self-esteem, an ability to articulate exactly, being afraid of others in the room, or simply never having thought of it? In any case, I've spent some time this week thinking about being comfortable as a 28-year-old, white, 6' 4", extroverted, male, from Missouri.
• Last weekend I visited a church in Florida. I had a great time meeting the people there. This call process is going to be so difficult. Once I visit someplace, and actually meet the people, the whole thing takes on a different, "face," if you will. Prayers for discernment would be greatly welcomed.
• For those of you West Wing fans out there, was the episode on Wednesday, February 23rd not absolutely amazing? I found myself holding my breath at certain points during the show. I continue to be amazed at how a TV show can have such a profound impact on my brain. I should recommend that episode to Bill Harkins, my pastoral care professor. People were working through a lot of "stuff," in that episode.
• What's so great about the barrier reef anyway? :)

Venture Cinema...The $1.99 dollar theatre. 

Lindsey & Laurie at Venture Cinema on Valentine's Day 

Valentine's Day plus

• Have you ever had one of those days when you see an ex and it just throws off your whole day? Well, that happened to me today. Without going into the details, I saw an ex, and it sent my emotions into a bit of a tailspin. What is it about former relationships that wreak such havoc on us? I mean, in our brains, we know that some people aren't right for us, yet we still yearn to recapture a closeness with them. Anyway, my day was a bit emotionally topsy turvy.
• I'm gonna go ahead and confess that I had a big drink at Los Bravos in Decatur, GA, and, "my brain," in the words of Winnie the Pooh, "feels fluffy."
• For Valentine's Day, I went to dinner with Weicher, Laurie, Lindsey, Jonathan, and Shannon at a chain restaurant (Chili's) and then went to see Ray at the dollar theatre. Actually, it now costs $1.99. I mean, what's up with that? Why not just charge $2.00? Is it that we feel like we're spending less if we don't actually see the $2? They must keep a lot of pennies on hand. Anyway, it was a good time. I took a couple of pictures that I might post later. I let the girl at the concession stand convince me to buy the large soda for fifty cents more. I didn't even remember buying it until half way through the movie. I did, however, munch down on some Hot Tamales. I love those things...especially at movies. I was really thankful to that crowd of folks for including me in the festivities. I feel like everyone in that group has been so gracious to me. They could have easily decided to turn their backs on me, but have, instead, included me on more occasions than I probably deserve.
• This call process thing is starting to wear on me. I just found out this evening that a church I interviewed with wants me to come visit, but has called some near and dear friends and told them they're exploring other options. It seems that some feelings are going to be hurt before this is all over.
• E'erbody in the Club Gettin' Tipsy! I love this song. I think my most vivid memories of it are from basketball at Shandon and one particular night at...well, at that dance club in Columbia, SC. I hate it when I forget stuff like that. Crazy stupid song, but way fun.
• We had some interesting discussions again tonight in Final Things. I think I'll save my reflections on that when I'm feeling a bit more awake. The getting up early each day this week is catching up with me. Until then, know that I'm still struggling a good bit with what it means to be a Christian leader. I've decided I'm open to the idea that all people are leaders, but still not sure that works out. Convince me.

By the Power of Grayskull

• If anybody is looking for some great He-Man and She-Ra stuff, including desktop themes, wallpapers, sound clips, and videos, check out www.CastleGrayskull.org. It's a great site for all of us former He-Man fans. I love staring my computer and hearing He-Man say, "By the Power of Grayskull...I Have the Power!!!"
• I'm feeling a bit troubled about some stuff related to one of my classes this semester. Last night, we were asked to share faith statements that reflected our understanding of Christian leadership. There were a variety of understandings and thoughts, and I love that. Unfortunately, my roommate Davis got attacked, which sucked. I felt like he was naming a tendency that all of us share to some degree of turning our deepfelt convictions and causes into God. He tried to be vulnerable, and people attacked it. Not cool dude...not cool. I was also bothered by comments made in response to class on an e-mail forum. People voiced being highly uncomfortable with sharing their statements of faith. As I've thought about that through the day, it bothers me more and more. I mean, what is it that we're doing as ministers of word and sacrament? I mean, isn't that what we do when we step into the pulpit to preach or pray? How are we supposed to become a community of faith if we're afraid to share our faith? Yes, there will be times when we don't feel safe, but in the end, are we called to safety? Won't the faith community be strengthened by people who are willing to share their faith honestly and openly? It seems that we need to create spaces where faith can be expressed, heard, and maybe even challenged. Isn't one of our tasks in ministry to help people articulate the faith of I and the faith of we and then share that faith with others? Don't we need to feel comfortable sharing our faith with everyone we meet in terms that show some sort of passion and maybe even vulnerability? All in all, it troubles me that so many future ministers conceive of faith as such a private thing. What is it about the culture/society we live in that we're afraid to boldly claim our faith, even at the risk of being rejected, judged, or even cast out?
• Finally, as I was working out today, I was plugged into the mp3 player (not an ipod because I'm a poor seminarian), and a fellow student came in and turned on the Maury Povich show. Every guest was a woman who was giving a man a paternity test for one of her children. About half of them ended up being the father. There was one girl who had been on the show 9 times for a previous child and was back for a new child. Whereas I'm totally against censorship, I wonder if the producers of that show might be more consicentious about what they "glorify," and how they reward people for making bad choices. It makes me sad that there are so many women out there who really have no idea who fathered their child. What has our society said to them that allows them devalue themselves in that way?

Robert Penn Warren is the man!!

• Who had I, Amantha Starr, been before that moment? I had been defined by the world around me...But now all had fled away from me, in the deserts of distance, and I was, therefore, nothing.

• The previous words come from Robert Penn Warren's Band of Angels. They are spoken by a young woman who has been removed from all she knows...all that has meaning for her...all that has defined her. These words struck me as rather profound for some reason. It made me wonder whether I am likely to define Alan Bancroft by talking about the world around me. I'd like to think that I would be able to say something about myself without talking about my schooling, my hometown, my family, or whatever it is I'm involved with at the time, but that might be kind of tough. I mean, isn't who we are tied to the world around us, as well as the people around us? Anyway, I continue to be impressed by Warren's ability to capture humanity in ways that just make sense.
• I'd like to go on record as saying that cell phones suck when you live in a wooded neighborhood and in a house that has lead paint. I've had to sign up for landline service so I don't drop a ton of calls as I'm talking to churches. It was either that, or conduct all of my business in my car. Lame.
• The fall semester has begun here at Columbia Theological Seminary. My first class was Pastoral Care and Theological Anthropology. Quite a mouthful. It looks to be a good class. It's a fun/jovial group at least. We watched Wit today. This is the third time I've seen it for a seminary class. It raises great issues about death, dying, and how we live our lives before we face death. This time I was particularly struck with the huge difference between studying/thinking about something abstractly, and actually encountering/experiencing the reality. I'm not sure yet how to make sense of that...it seems like a balance needs to be struck between the two. I should hope that I can still be an effective pastor, and provide good pastoral guidance to people, even if I haven't experienced exactly what they are experiencing at any given time. I hope so.
  

There and back again

• No, I haven't been to the top of a mountain with a dozen dwarves to fight a dragon named Smog for a whole lot of booty, but I have been out west to California to see my dear friend Kate. Last Friday I flew out to San Francisco, CA and then took the train to Berkeley, CA. It was a great 4-5 days of putzing around in the bluest state of them all (blue as in political, not blue as in sad). While I was there I got to eat some great food, see some fun sights, catch up with high school friends, and hear some great speakers...more on the speakers below. I have now returned to Decatur, GA and am about to begin a new semester while also beginning the call process. Exciting times.
• So, the speakers...The first person I heard speak was Sister Helen Prejean, of Dead Man Walking fame. She is a scrappy, spunky lady. She told stories of men who have been put to death who were clearly innocent. She continues to fight to abolish the death penalty in all its forms in our country. I loved her point that right now, society as a whole is very comfortable with placing judgments on human life, as in deciding who has worth, who is worthless, who is good, who is evil, and by making those judgments, somehow, we can also decide who should live and who should die. It accounts for this debacle in Iraq, it accounts for the death penalty, and it accounts for our willingness to allow atrocities to continue in Africa. After reading her book and seeing the movie, it was great to see Sister Helen in person.
• I also heard Bishop Eugene Robinson speak. His lecture was fantastic. He attacked the resurgence of a belief in mind/body dualism, and reminded us that this is a Greek notion, and not a scriptural one. You know, he's right. That view is so pervasive. It's like, "If I just believe enough, or pray enough, or if I'm spiritual enough, I'll over come these desires of the flesh and be right in God's eyes." People can say they aren't trying to earn their salvation, but I'm not so convinced. He made a variety of wonderful points, but in the interest of keeping this brief, I'll move on. You might be able to check out his words at the Pacific School of Religion's website sometime soon. www.psr.edu.
• Well, it's getting late, and I'm pretty tired. I think I'll put out one more plea for people to help me out with the free ipod thing. If you have an e-mail account for junk stuff, or a good filter, you can help me by fulfilling an on-line offer and then cancel it as soon as possible. Just click on this link and follow the directions. Hey, even if you already have an ipod, maybe you could make a $6 donation toward mine. :) Here's the link: http://www.freeiPods.com/?r=8529631.
• Happy February to everyone. Peace out!

Rites of Passage

Today, I met with my CPM (Committee on Preparation for Ministry) for final assessment. this was the committee's opportunity to ask me questions that I can expect when I'm examined for ordination. It was a helpful experience. I got to talk about the reformed tradition, sacraments, the church, missio dei, God as father/mother, and various other theological topics. The only time I was kind of surprised was when a committee member took offense to the word, "mystical." it seems sad that people no longer think of the gospel as mystical, or at least, don't think we have room for mystics in the Christian tradition. I was thankful for a spunky older woman on the committee for saying that we've abandoned the word mystical and saying she wished we would reclaim it. I do think there's something mysterious about the gospel we preach. I mean, just how do humanity and divinity reside in the person of Jesus Christ? Three in one? Huh? I wonder if we've become so comfortable with the gospel that it no longer carries a sense of awe and amazement. I mean, do we have it so figured out that there's no more mystery? I hope not. Anyway, others backed me up that mystical is an OK word to use.
So, the next step is to enter my PIF online and get started looking for a call. I have to admit that my stomach gets kind grumbly when I think about the realities of that. I'm totally excited about finding out where God is preparing for me to go, but it's kind of scary too. I've trusted God to bring me this far, so I suppose I should keep that up and trust God to take me to the next place.
I'm headed back to Hotlanta on Monday, and thank goodness, because it is freakin' cold here. I mean, it hasn't been above freezing for two days. I know, I know, I've been spoiled in the south, but geez. I suppose I should really think about this as I consider the possibility of living and working in Chicago. Anyway, I'm headed back on Monday and then I'm flying to California on Friday. I'll be hanging with my good friend Kate Holbrook. I'm looking forward to fun adventures.
I'm listening to Norah Jones's new CD right now. It's great. Her voice is so soothing. I'd love to meet a girl who can sing like Norah Jones, and maybe even write music like her. She could serenade me at the end of the day.
Well, all three of you who read this, I hope all is well in your worlds. I look forward to seeing all of you Atlanta peeps soon.

Peace and Love and Grace--Alan

Car shopping

Today I spent some time shopping for cars with my Dad. I'm thankful I'm not a car salesman. I don't think I'd be very good at it. Anyway, I'm comparing various mock-SUVs as I like to call them...stuff like the Subaru Outback, Saturn Vue, and Ford Freestyle. I think I have this delusion of grandeur that I'm a total outdoorsman who needs a bunch of cargo room, you know, for hauling my tent and stuff like that. I don't even own a tent, although I kind of wish I did. I do love the camping...why is it that the meaning of something changes when you put a "the" in front of it. I think I picked that one up from Laurie Taylor and Lindsey Wade.
Anyways, back to the car shopping. I had to give my name and address to everybody before we could even talk about prices and sit in the vehicle. I mean, chances are I won't even buy the darned thing here. For what it's worth, I enjoyed the Saturn Vue a good bit.
Yesterday I babysat for some kids named Sam and Sophie. They are really fun kids...so full of energy. We sat down to "watch" Return of the Jedi, but one or the other of them was talking through the whole thing. Yes, that's right, I allowed someone to talk while I was watching a Star Wars movie. It's amazing how much kids will trust an adult. I mean, these kids just met me but they're telling me all kinds of stuff. When do we lose that?
I think I'm gonna head to Kansas City to hang out with Anna (my sister) tomorrow. I'm interested in going to church with her on Sunday. It sounds like a cool place to worship. I'm still pretty frustrated that the minister made her get re-baptized in order to become a member...actually, frustrated is a mild term...it outright pisses me off. He gave some explanation of authority or some other evangelical nonsense. Anyway, I'm eager to check it out. I'm sure we'll spend some time with Jimmy while I'm there. If Anna's up for it, I might call my friend Emily as well.
I'm getting a little antsy about the call process. I'm so eager to jump into the mix and see what God has in store for me. I want to get out there and find a church to serve. I love school, but it's so great to be a part of the regular life of a church. I'm finding that I miss the Shandon folk more than I had anticipated.

Nice Swipe

What a funny world we live in. I made a purchase at a department store today, and after I swiped my credit card, I received a flashing message that read, "NICE SWIPE." I thought, "Wow, what a nice, affirming machine." It's good to know that I'm a good credit card swiper. I'd like to know why more stores don't have affirming machines. When I'm done pumping gas, instead of merely asking me if I'd like a receipt, I'd like the pump to say, "You're great at pumping gas." After depositing money at the bank ATM, maybe it could say, "Good job sealing the envelope buddy." OK, so maybe it would get ridiculous after awhile, but I've enjoyed thinking of all the possibilities. I hope everyone is having a good week in between Christmas and New Years.

Merry Christmas to all

Ah, Christmas. It really is a wonderful time. It was great to be at First Presbyterian Church, Columbia, MO for Christmas Eve. I helped out with the 5:30 family service and then just went and enjoyed the 8:00 traditional service. I found myself feeling kind of emotional while singing some of the hymns...memories of Grandpa...hearing the lyrics in new ways...feeling overwhelmed by the thought of God's grace and love manifested in Christ. That third verse of Silent Night was especially powerful for me this year. Love's pure light and all. There may have been some inner realization that this may be the last time for a few years that I'm actually able to worship in my home congregation on Christmas Eve. While I know that the church I'm called to serve will become my new home, there's something special about the place where I spent so many years discovering God and figuring out how to relate to the stories of Scripture. I'm so thankful for having a church home that feels so safe and warm.
Christmas day was good. The Bancroft family opened presents, ate, and relaxed. In the afternoon, we went to visit Grandma. She seemed happy to have the company. I hate it that we're unable to have her over to the house. I'm hoping that we'll be able to work something out so she can attend my ordination. I think she would like that. I think Grandpa would have liked it too. He was such a man of strong faith.
The next couple of weeks I'll be hangin' around Columbia. Flying here was great, but having no car may become more of a headache than I'd thought. I'm so used to coming and going as I please. More than ever, I'm thinking that I should give up driving places alone for Lent. I think that will lend itself to much reflection, especially when I'm walking or riding my bike everywhere. :)

Back in the home state

Here I sit in the wonderful Show-me state, awaiting the onslaught of snow and coldness that looks to provide a wonderful white Christmas. Say what you will about the crazy seasons of the midwest, it's pretty great waking up to a land blanketed with snow on Christmas morning.
Last weekend I was in Columbia, SC to hang out with friends. Thanks to Tom and Nicole for letting me stay with them. The casa de Katona really is a great place. It was fun seeing Jennifer, Leigh, Michael, Andrew, Becca, Ellen, Jay, Allison, Tom, Nicole, and all of the Shandon folk. While I love my seminary friends, I really miss spending time with my Cola peeps. I'm definitely gonna be sad if I end far away from them.
On a related note, girls really can be fickle sometimes. I think I'm going to officially quit trying to understand them and just, "live in the tension."
On a totally unrelated note, Napoleon Dynamite came out on DVD today. I bought it, watched it, and fell in love with it all over again. If you haven't seen it, see it...GOSH!!!
I've been listening to a great sermon by John Lynch lately. John Lynch has a website, and I'll add it into this post at some point. Anyway, he talks about the fact that we can't really handle the amazing grace of God, so we invented Santa Claus. That's right...Santa Claus is comin' to town (kind of like a gangster or something). He's keepin' a list of naughty and nice and he's comin' to town. I hope that anybody who might read this will stop to think about that in relation to God. Our's is not a Santa Claus-type God. YHWH isn't comin' to town to remind us of our naughtiness or niceness. Elohim is comin' to earth in the form of a precious little child...a child who will grow in wisdom and stature...a child who shows us what it means to trust God and to be fully human...a child who will grow up and eventually take the weight of the world on his shoulders. In this Advent season, let's dare to believe in a God who is comin' to earth to save us and show us love. Let's dare to believe that God pursues us, even to the ends of our sin, in order to redeem us. Let's dare to trust God and to let God love us unconditionally.
Well, folks, that's enough preaching for now. I've just really enjoyed that sermon and thought I'd share some thoughts. I pray that everyone has a very merry Christmas and a blessed beginning to the new year.

Friends at Sweetwater 

Another semester down

• That's right seminary fans, the fall semester is over. I have successfully completed all assignments and taken all final exams. The Ethics finals felt pretty good, but we'll see how it turns out. Some of my work here at the end of the semester was a little shaky, but overall, it was a great semester. It feels good to be done for a bit.
• On Monday night I went to Sweetwater to celebrate Laurie Taylor's Birthday. See the attached pictures above. Fun times were had by all. It really is a great deal. For $5 you get a pint glass to keep and tickets for fine Sweetwater product. Unfortunately I didn't get the Festive before it ran out. Maybe next year . :) Anyway, it was cool to hang out with those folks.
• Last Thursday I got to spend some time with some Cavalier buddies. It's always good to sit around and talk about the glory days. :) Thanks to Jud, Lance, Neal, Patrick, and of course Courtney for good times.
• I'm headed home to Columbia, MO for Christmas in a few days. While home, I plan on sleeping and eating alot, while also reading and getting some PIF stuff ready to go. As soon as I meet with the CPM, I'm hoping to circulate to some churches I've been looking at online. Ah, the seductive power of the CLC.
• I saw Ocean's 12 last night. I liked it. I always leave movies like that wanting to be a thief. They make it seem so fun and exciting. I feel like I'm a pretty smart guy...I mean, I should be able to pull off a heist of some sort. I'm not sure that a felony theft charge would help me as I look for jobs in churches, but it still might be kind of fun. I have a feeling that most of the thieves out there aren't the master thieves portrayed in the movies. Many people who steal have probably run across hard times and don't see any other way of getting what they want and/or need. There's a quite a wide spectrum between Jean Valjean and Danny Ocean.

CTS Football

• That's right folks! The paradigm shift bowl at Columbia Theological Seminary was a big success. I made my way back onto the football field for only the third time I've played all semester. That dislocated pinky finger kept me on the DL for awhile and then I just got into the school work. Anyway, yours truly ended up with a defensive touchdown. That's right...I picked off a tipped ball and ran it straight into the endzone (no need to mention that I was only about 10 yards from the end zone when I intercepted it). :) It was a good time. The Elect ended up trouncing the Reprobate 3-0. Fun times in the mud.
• Last night was the CTS Christmas party. There was an interesting mix of folks. It made me happy that five of us from the entering class of 2001 were representin'. It's definitely been strange to be at school this year without the regular crew. I still walk into class half expecting to see Hardin, Weicher, Dan, Lyndsay, or even Phildo.
• Tonight I'm going to a dinner party of sorts. Sounds kind of grown up if you ask me. Ashley and Rebekah Lamar are hosting. It'll be a bunch of married people and Carrie Simpson and me. As long as we don't talk about babies too much I'll be happy.
• This past week was pretty rough. I feel like I've been hanging on for dear life. Of course, I make some bad time management decisions, but in the end, I think spending time with friends is always worth losing some sleep.
• Well, time to wrap my ornament and get on to the party.

Wrapping up the semester

Again, it's been quite awhile since I've blogged. I have one more week of classes in the fall semester and then a final week (I only have one). This past week was pretty stressful. I turned in a lot of work...probably not my best work of all time, but at least it's done.
Tonight I'm eating dinner with the Shandon Youth PNC. It should be fun to catch up with everybody. I hope they've had a good day of interviewing. I was hoping to show them that there are plenty of capable people out there who aren't named Alan Bancroft. After dinner I'm going to an organ concert...It's a Saturday night, college championship football is on, and I'm going to an organ recital. Funny enough, it sounds great at this point.
My good friends Emily and Noell were in town last night. We went to Brick Store. It was great to hang out with a different crowd for a change. I love to mix it up. I drank a beer there with the words nectar, nut, and brown in the name. It was absolutely fabulous...must go back for more.
I wish I had something wonderful and profound to say, but I haven't been feeling very profound lately. Too many papers I suppose. Anyway, I can at least say I blogged in December.