Stupid Computer

Hey folks. I know it's been quite awhile since my last post. Much of that has to do with the fact that my computer crashed hard as soon as I finished up my school work. Thankfully, it waited until after I wrote all of my papers. Anyway, I've been a busy bee since my last post.

• Graduation: Yes, that's right, the seminary actually let me graduate. I now have a Masters of Divinity. I'll be sure to post some pictures once I can get them loaded onto a computer. My Mom, Dad, and Sister were all here, as well as my Aunt Carolyn, Marvin, Christyl, Nicole and Nadiah. Thanks to my family for showing up. My great friends Tom and Nicole also came. Unfortunately, it cost them a busted car. Some idiot ran into them as they were coming out of a parking space. Anyway, it was a festive day nonetheless.
• Emergent Convention: Last week I was in Nashville for the Emergent Convention. I'll probably blog on some of my thoughts from the week at a later date (I had to actually write them down on paper because my computer was busted...GOSH!!). I was glad to get a glimpse of the community that's been so important for my good friend Mark Shivers
• STAR WARS: Yes, I made it to Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith on opening night. It was so awesome. So much darkness and sadness. I'm sure I'll see it a couple more times.
• Hangin' at Harpeth: After emergent I spent some time in Brentwood with my Harpeth Presbyterian peeps. It was a great weekend full of potlucks, BBQs, and fun times. I'm so psyched about getting up there and beginning my ministry with the youth and families of Harpeth.

Well, that's the basic rundown of my life lately. Look for some more thoughtful posts in the near future.

Loneliness

Sometimes I feel like loneliness creeps up on me...like the shadow of a building in the path of the setting sun. Sometimes I find myself surrounded by people, and yet a sick, sinking feeling finds its way into my heart...a feeling of not being known, a feeling of invisibility. Sometimes I wish we had transporters, so that I didn't have to walk away, or say goodbye before walking away...so I didn't have to say goodbye to people who have actually forgetten I was even standing there...say goodbye in a way that reveals the loneliness I'm feeling...say a goodbye that makes the people around me feel a little ashamed for forgetting that I was there. Yeah, sometimes I wish we had transporters. I hate that loneliness that creeps up on me...like water that overflows its boundaries.

Cars you know

This morning, as I was driving the 1.5 miles home from the seminary, I passed three cars going the other way. Before getting close enough to see who was driving, I already knew who it was, because I know my friends' cars. Katie in the red sporty thing...Davis in the Expedition...Tricia in the Honda. There's something comforting about being in a community where you know what everyone drives. I'm going to miss that next year. I'm going to miss Lindsey in the blue Saturn, Laurie in the silver Honda, Weicher in the green whatever, Jonathan in the maroon buick (but not as maroon as my buick), Shannon in the red SUV, Shelli in the maroon Toyota, Leah in the maroon Saturn with the Grinnell sticker, Shivers in the maroon explorer wow, there's a lot of maroon cars at seminary, Kevin in the silver Honda, and all of the other cars that signify a good friend. Yeah, I'm going to miss that.


The Maroon Marauder...One of the recognizable cars of Columbia Theological Seminary

One Week Left

• Well, actually, it's a little less than a week. All of my work is due on Thursday, May 5th. That's right, Cinco de Mayo. Right now I'm working on a paper of World Christianity. This is one of those papers that kind of pisses me off. We've been given five bullet points, all of which are kind of related, but which have to be answered separately. I'm currently loathing the whole class because of this paper. What's up with making senior write such a tough paper at the end of seminary. I swear we should be able to write one page summaries at the end of each class telling the professor what we learned during the semester. That, or every senior should get to opt out of one paper. I have a feeling most of us would opt out of this World Christianity paper.
• Cinco de Mayo is a holiday time, a holiday time in Mexico. Cinco de Mayo is a holiday time...to the fiesta we'll go, go, go. LA LA LA LA LA! Those are the words to a song I remember singing in elementary school. Maybe my sister Anna can fill in the lyrics for the verse. I can't ever remember them.
• I went to church at Oakhurst Presbyterian Church today. I really should have been going there throughout seminary. I enjoy the atmosphere. Nibs doesn't mind addressing some issues. I was particularly fond of the way they introduced their plans for Pentecost Sunday. They're encouraging everyone to invite someone. In the announcements, Nibs said something like, "Invite your friends, your family, your neighbors, your enemies...they won't be enemies after we worship God together." How awesome is that? Invite your enemies to church. What a novel concept. I just love that.
• Nibs also called for us to be people of the dove. Indeed, what a different world we might live in if everyone covenanted to live as people of the dove...the dove of peace...the dove of the spirit...the dove of understanding.
• Something I'm thankful for: Good friends. People I can shoot the bull with and have fun with. For example, Clay Thomas just walked in and chatted it up for a minute. Good friends. For example, Lindsey Wade and Mark Shivers went to Martinis and Imax with me on Friday night. Good friends. Yeah, I'm thankful for that.

Pre Prom Party

Here I am before seminary prom. I'm drinking Shiner Bock from the keg that Davis and I purchased. That's right, folks, Pre Prom Party...P3 (that's P cubed).
Before Prom

To Harpeth and back

• I drove up to Brentwood, TN this weekend to talk more specifically about my call to Harpeth Presbyterian Church. It was a great weekend. I had fun hanging out with folks from the church on Saturday and Sunday. Sunday morning, some of the younger youth of the church did a musical about Shadrach, Meshach, and Obednigo. Something like, "The Cool Furnace." It was great. Highly enjoyable.
• On the way up to TN, I was struck by how many of those darned ribbon magnets I saw on people's cars. Some cars had three magnets telling me to, "Support Our Troops." I mean, do you really need three, one yellow, one stars and stripes, and one camoflauge. I finally saw one that was more of an indicative statement rather than an imperative. It actually said, "I Support Our Troops." At least that person wasn't telling me what to do. I have to say that I think the magnets are getting ridiculous. I was chatting with my roommate Davis about this the other day. He raised the question, "Are you really supporting the troops in a helpful way by buying a maget, slapping it on your car, and letting it fade in the sunshine?" He had heard a soldier say that he didn't see it as that supportive. We began to talk about whether it might be more supportive to write letters to a lonely soldier, or send care packages to one's local batallion. Some of us feel like we're supporting our troops by calling for their early return from harm's way. I'd be interested in any thoughts about magnets and their relationship to supporting our troops.
• Speaking of comments...While I love it that people are actually reading this thing and making comments, I would love it even more if you would sign your name at the end of comments. No need to join blogger, although that would be fun too. Just sign a name at the end of the comment would help me gain a bit of insight into the wonderful people who are reading.
• This past week at school I felt like every day was full of blog material. I think I've already commented on how disappointed I was with the seminary community for failing to show up for Colloquium, mostly because people didn't like the topic, or assumed that the speakers would be too, "Evangelical," or, "Conservative." Awesome...just ignore those who think differently that you do. Anyway, that bummed me out.
• We were reading Karl Barth in Christology class last week. Sometimes I really love Barth, and then sometimes I just want to strangle him and say, "Get someone to edit your stuff!!!" I love it that he calls us to believe that Jesus Christ is really God With Us...as in, God was really in Christ, reconciling the world to God's self...that God suffered...that God shows God's hand by being truly present in Jesus Christ. My colleague Shelli Latham is write that we don't hear that enough, but does Barth have to say it on every page. Maybe we could space it out amongst other theologians so he doesn't have to say it all the time.
• OK, so much rambling. Three more weeks until graduation. That's crazy. Prayers for me and my seminary colleagues would be greatly appreciated.

Wishing I had the energy to blog

Hey there, folks. It's closing in on midnight on a random Thursday night, and yet again, I'm feeling too exhausted to contribute anything of any substance to my blog. I feel like I have so many things I've wanted to share lately, but haven't made time to do so. I'm hoping that tomorrow I can get some thoughts down. For now, know that all is well in Decatur. We had seminary prom last Saturday...what a blast. Our house hosted the Pre Prom Party (P cubed for short). Good times. This weekend I'm headed up to Brentwood, TN to, "negotiate terms of call," with Harpeth. Hell if I know what to negotiate. I have some basic ideas, but have no idea about specifics. Any advice would be helpful. OK, off to sleep land with the hope of free time for productive blogging tomorrow.

Spring Break 2005

Last week I was at the beach in Pawleys Island, SC. Big thanks to the Chappells from Columbia, SC for letting a bunch of seminarians crash at their lovely beach house. It was a great week of relaxation and rejuvenation for us all. The core group was Lindsey Wade, Laurie Taylor, John Weicher, and I, with guest appearances from Mark Shivers, Brad Clayton, and Shannon Edgerton. Good times with good friends.
So, I know that some of you are wondering if I've made a decision about where I'll be next year (and a few years after that). Well, I have accepted a call to serve as the Association for Youth and Families at Harpeth Presbyterian Church in Brentwood, TN. It's a 250 member church just south of Nashville. The people there are awesome, and I'm excited about the ministry that the church is doing. There was something about the place that just felt right. Whether you want to call that, "the gut," or the Holy Spirit, I don't know, but something kept saying, "Alan, Harpeth is the place for you." I don't know where I'll be living yet, or really much else than that I'm going there. Thanks to everyone for their words of support and encouragement as I've gone through the call process.
Finally, tomorrow, April 12th, is my birthday. On that date, in 1977, Alan Bancroft entered the world. I'm looking forward to celebrating with folks at Sweetwater on Thursday afternoon.

Incarnation

I came across quite a quandry in Christology class today. We were discussing some John Calvin and his take on the incarnation. Calvin spent a couple of sections refuting a guy named Osiander who,

• "asserts that man was created in God's image because he was fashined according to the pattern of the Messian to come, that man might conform to him wome the Father had already determined to clothe with flesh. From this, Osiander infers that if Adam had never fallen from his original and upright condition, Christ would still have become man."

So, the questions I pose to you who are reading are these: Would Christ have still become human if Adam had never fallen? If not, does incarnation become contingent on the fall? Is saving humankind from fallenness all that is accomplished in the incarnation?

Any thoughts would be helpful as I try to work through this.

Smells

As I sat in downtown Decatur today, so many different smells assaulted, no approached my olfactory senses. Smells of food, smells of people, smells of industry, smells of animals, smells of who knows what. What is it about smells that take us back to distinct moments in time.

• As I was sitting at Java Monkey, I smelled something, a perfume or someone's shampoo, or something that took me back to 305 Centennial Hall, 1995. It just smelled like our room, or the hallway, or something. Ryan, Renee, Colleen, and all the rest of the Towne Hall crowd. 305 Centennial Hall.
• As I walked to the Decatur square, I smelled a perfume that made my mind conjure up an ex-girlfriend...one that was intoxicating, and who made me think, and who made my head spin. I was transported to 2122 Tugaloo Ave...sitting on the porch being told, "I just can't be anybody's girlfriend right now."...my head spinning with those words while being intoxicated by the perfume or the pheremones, I don't know which. 2122 Tugaloo Ave.
• At truck stops, the smell of diesel takes me back to the cook truck, getting my snack after a performance with The Cavaliers. Standing there in khaki shorts, with my shirt off, wearing my gears, eating a PBJ or banana pudding or leftover lasagna and enjoying the caucaphony of sounds around me...horns playing melodies, drums playing "licks," flag poles and rifles striking the ground, tour buses pulling out of the parking lot. Ah, the sweet smell of diesel. The parking lot after a show.
• The musty smell in Tom and Nicole's upstairs that takes me back to Grandpa and Grandma's house...the mustiness of lives lived that house...laughter, tears, secrets, hugs, rants, raves, meals shared...coating the house with layers of life...mustiness.

Anyway, I'm amazed at how smells can take you to a different time and place.

Lenten Discipline

• I just spent a wonderfully beautiful afternoon in downtown Decatur. The sun is shining, people are outdoors enjoying the weather, and I had a great time. I got some reading done for school and did some people watching as well. Thank God for sunny Saturdays.
• I don't think I've blogged about my lenten discipline for this year. I decided to give up driving places by myself unless: 1. I was going out of town, or 2. I was on my way to pick someone else up. It's been an interesting lenten season. This has meant walking or riding my bike to school, or getting the occasional ride with a roommate. It has curtailed my random trips to the grocery store, Target, or any other random place I think I need to go at any given moment. For the most part, it's been a good discipline, and one which gave me some time to reflect on the sacrifices we make in relation to the sacrifice of Christ. At times, it's meant that I've been a burden to others, or that I simply didn't go do things I wanted to. It's also meant some creative meals when I realized I was out of groceries and none of my roommates was planning a trip to the grocery store anytime soon. Hopefully it's made me more mindful of those who don't really have a choice in the matter of whether to drive because they don't own a vehicle or have access to one...those who rely on public transportation to get them around a big city like Atlanta. I should probably be more mindful of those folks when I say things like, "I need a new car." Anyway, in less than 24 hours, I'll be back in the Buick. I'm sure the people who have carted me around all lent will be happy.
• I'm not sure if I've commented yet on my friend Julian Jackman and his involvement with an armed robbery. If so, oh well, I feel like commenting again. I thought of him today as I had my legs extended and resting on a chair on front of me as I sat at Java Monkey. I thought, "Man, if someone fell on my legs right now, they'd snap in two." Then, I thought about the time I broke my friend Cory's leg on the playground at Ridgeway Elementary school in Columbia, MO. He was leaning on a fence, waiting for his turn at four square. I jumped to hit a ball and landed squarely on his leg. He arrived at school the next day with a cast and using crutches. It ends up that I had broken his leg...Utterly ridiculous considering at the time he probably weighed twice as much as I did, and I was total pipsqueak. Thankfully, he didn't hate me (for too long), and our friendship remained intact. As we passed through middle school and high school, Cory became Julian (using his first name instead of his middle name), and we grew apart. He played football, while I hung out with the band and choir kids. There was still a fondness between us, but we definitely didn't hang out on the weekends. Anyway, I hadn't thought about Julian (Cory) for quite awhile until a friend sent me a link to a news story from the Columbia Tribune. It ends up that Julian has been tied to an armed robbery in which the victim ended up dying after being beaten repeatedly. It makes me sad to think that my friend Cory...whose leg I broke in elementary school...who survived an awful car accident in high school...who always seemed so jovial and caring would be involved with something like that. I mean, did he plan the robbery? Did things get out of hand? Was he really there at all? What happened in the ten years since we graduated in our green robes and yellow tassles that would lead Julian to commit a crime of that magnitude? Why is he in jail and I'm about to graduate from seminary? It makes me sad. One day Cory is telling me that he's mad at my Mom because she makes him do his math right (my Mom volunteered as a teacher's aid in elementary school) and the next day Julian is involved in the death of another human being. Anyway, for those of you think to pray for such things, please pray for my friend Julian, and his family, and the family of the victim, and, well, for all of the other Julians out there.

Hosanna to Hallelujah

• That's right folks...It's Holy Week! This past Sunday I attended church here in Atlanta, and while they gave everyone a palm branch (for Palm Sunday), we never go to wave them! I mean, what is that? The choir processed in with the palm branches hidden lamely beneath their hymnals. I made a couple of attempts to wave mine, but nobody around me seemed to catch on. On the interstate on the way home, we were stuck in traffic, so Lindsey Wade and I rolled down our windows and waved our palms for all our fellow traffic sufferers to see. Not exactly a triumphal entry, but still.
• The title of this post occured to me yesterday as I was sitting in Christology class. We were talking about Martin Luther's Heidelberg Disputation. At one point, he writes: "Now it is not sufficient for anyone, and it does him no good to recognize God in his glory and majesty, unless he recognizes him in the humility and shame of the cross." In the context of Holy Week, I thought this was interesting material to consider. I mean, isn't that what a majority of Christians in our society do? We show up for church on Palm Sunday, wave our palms (sometimes), cry out Hosanna, Hosanna, and celebrate that Christ has arrived, and then go home for a week, buy a nice new Easter outfit, and then show up on Easter Sunday to cry Hallelujah, Jesus Christ is Risen Today. Somehow, we go from glory to glory, and miss the humility and shame of the cross along the way. Yes, I know that some folks attend Good Friday services or Maundy Thursday services, but definitely not as many as are in church on the bookend Sundays of Holy Week. Why is it that we want to skip over Friday and Saturday? Does it remind us too much of our own brokenness? Are we afraid of what it means for God to die on a cross? Thankfully, Luther, and theologians to follow, remind us that the glory and majesty of God only make sense in light of the humility and shame of the cross. So, my challenge to you and to me is to spend some more time living in between the Hosannas and the Hallelujahs.
• While I'm thinking about Luther, I thought I'd share another great quote, "Therefore sinners are attractive because they are loved; they are not loved because they are attractive." Yes, that's right, God does not love you because of all the good stuff you do, God does not love you because you go to church every Sunday, God does not love you because you have a pretty face, God does not love you because you give money to charity, God does not even love you because you've brought a thousand people to faith in Jesus Christ. God loves you in spite of all these things. God chooses to love us out of God's great love, and therefore, we are made attractive. We don't get any of the credit...none of it. Isn't that a liberating thought? God loves me, and has freed me from the bondage of sin, so now I'm free to live in relationship and according to God's will.
• Finally, thanks to all of you who have read my previous posts about the struggle that goes into deciding where I will serve the church in the coming years, and have posted encouraging words/thoughts. I appreciate that.

It's been awhile...so some people say

• Alas, I have failed in my effort to blog at least once a week this semester. Please accept my deepest apologies. Life has been way busy, and I've been too busy dealing with my thoughts to type them out...if that makes sense.
• Since my last post, I have traveled to Nashville, TN to visit Harpeth Presbyterian Church and to Arlington Heights, IL to visit First Presbyterian Church there. Both visits were good...nice people, cool churches. This whole call process thing is so difficult. Just this week, I had to call a church and tell them that I wouldn't be accepting the call they extended me. I mean, I go to these places and meet wonderful people, and in the end, I can only choose to serve one church. In some ways I feel like Pippin in the musical of the same name, when he tries to find himself by experiencing everything. There's a great line near the end of the musical that goes, "...and if I'm never tied to anything, I'll never be free." I know that at some point, I need to make a commitment to a church and really plunge into its community and become a minister for her people. I suppose I'm struggling a bit with the notion of, "what if there's something better just around the corner?" Anyway, for those who care, I'll probably be making the decision in a few days, and I'll be sure to blog as soon as I do.
• On a related note, thanks to my good friend Lindsey Wade for helping me sort through some of my thoughts with regard to the church I'm leaning toward. Boy, that's an awkward sentence. Oh well, I'm feeling a bit awkward lately. It just feels so hard to sit down and talk about the call process with my fellow students who are looking for similar positions. I feel like I've been pegged as some sort of, "chosen one" by my peers. I mean, I know they're just kidding, but I can sense a seriousness behind the jesting. Am I supppsed to quit being Alan Bancroft? Am I supposed to be sorry for being gregarious? Am I supposed to apologize for being a male in a church that, in some places, still values a male minister over a female minister? It's never my intention to brag about the fact that churches are calling me, but when people ask, I also don't want to lie. Anyway, thanks to Lindsey for not making me feel bad about having options.
• MARCH MADNESS BABY!!! That's right, it's that time of year again. Even though my bracket usually falls apart in the first round, I love these days of non-stop college basketball. If I didn't have a retreat to lead this Saturday, I would probably sit in front of the TV all day and watch basketball. Good luck to all of you in your office, church, home, and school pools.
• I think I'm really ready for the sweet, hazy days of summer. You know, those days when it's light until after 9:00...when you can sit out on your front porch and play the guitar after work...when you have hours of daylight to enjoy the world and the people in the world...when you can sit out on decks and porches at bars, drinking and telling funny stories...when there's always a baseball game on TV...when kids are out of school...when it's warm and sunny and wonderful. Yeah, I'm ready for summer.

Napoleon Dynamite

Hey folks...If you like Napoleon Dynamite, you should check out this link of him doing the top ten list for Dave Letterman. Enjoy.
http://collegehumor.com/?movie_id=106148

Justice and Mercy

• I've decided that I need to carry around a little pad of paper to write down all of the, "clever," thoughts I have throughout the day. Usually by the time I sit down to blog, I've forgotten everything.
• Thanks to those who have posted comments with regard to my thoughts on leadership. It's my hope that I'll spend my life working on my leadership style, but it's kind of cool doing a more intensive look as I prepare to go out into the church.
• So, the love of God. Hmm...This week the tension between the mercy of God and the judgment/justice of God has popped up in almost every class. It seems to me that we, as Presbyterian seminarians, seem fairly comfortable proclaiming the mercy of God to one another and to the masses, but recoil in fear at the prospect of proclaiming anything as God's justice and/or mercy. We're told that mercy and justice are both aspects of God's love for creation, and that we must hold them both in tension, but yet we're afraid of justice. It might be interesting to chat about whether there's a difference between judgment and justice. In any case, I wonder if we are adequately proclaiming the love of God if we leave out God's desire for justice in the world. What does the justice of God look like? Do we really know what the mercy of God looks like?
• Yeah, I haven't done too well in my endeavor to greet people with, "Peace be with you," instead of, "How ya doin'?"
• I have spoke with the tongue of angels...I have held the hand of the devil...It was warm in the night...I was cold as a stone...But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
• In chapel this morning I was struck by a couple of verses in Jeremiah: They all deceive their neighbors, and no one speaks the truth; they have taught their tongues to speak lies; they commit iniquity and are too weary to repent. Oppression upon oppression, deceit upon deceit! They refuse to know me, says the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:5-6) What powerful words. That they (we) are so caught up in lying and deceiving, oppressing a being deceitful, that we are too weary even to repent. I wonder if, at the end of the day, I've spent so much time lying to God, myself, and my neighbor that I'm too weary to do anything other than drift into the sweet escape of sleep. It makes me sad to think that this is so. Sometimes I don't think it's so, but sometimes it is. Does our nation, as we bring "freedom" to the world spend it's days lying, deceiving, oppressing, being deceitful, and committing iniquity with such fervor that as the sun sets on our manifest destiny the nation is too weary to repent...to turn around...to seek wholeness in the arms of the one from whom all gifts come?
• My final thoughts for today come as a rampage on Vanderbilt divinity school. This week, two of my roommates received rejection letters from that place. It makes me wan to drive over there after my interview this weekend and burn it to the ground. Not really burn it to the ground, but at least spit on the grounds or something. My heart is tender for my revivalist preacher roommate Mark. He has stepped out in boldness into a whole new world, and is in danger of being left in the lurch. That sucks.
• Coming soon: A poem entitled Intoxication.

Chapel today...The power of Grace

• I had the opportunity to participate in an amazing chapel service this morning. CTS student James Joyner was preaching on the Last Supper scene as it's found in Mark. He was talking about how the church and christians have become bedmates with the evil that they are supposed to be fighting against. He talked about how The Satan doesn't even have to fight anymore, because we do his work for him. When he started talking about those who have given their lives in order to fight evil, he got emotional. It was amazing how supportive the community was...how present the spirit was in that moment. His next words testified to the resurrection of Christ as a testament to the grace of God. The grace of God truly is an amazing thing...so amazing that it conquers even death. As he closed, he offered his body and blood to the service of Christ's mission in the world. Powerful stuff!!! When Dr. Stroup invited us to the table, his line about, "Don't come because you deserve it, but because of the grace of God," I shed a few tears. Why is it that grace doesn't bring about that kind of response on a more regular basis? Anyway, it was an emotional service.
• My friend Ani raised a great question as we walked out? Why do we greet each other with, "Peace of Christ," as we leave chapel, but as soon as we get 500 yards away, we slip back into, "How ya doin?" I think I'm going to make an effort to greet more people with Peace of Christ for a few days. It's such a better way of greeting someone.

Seminary is a funny place

• Seminary really is a funny place. I sat through a three hour class the other night where I witnessed a great deal of skepticism and negativity. I mean, one of my classmates got worked up because our seminary is planning to have a fire drill. I think I heard him say, "fear mongering." That, or the seminary wants to make sure people can get out of one of our antiquated buildings adequately in case of a fire. Just because an establishment suggests something doesn't necessarily mean that it's bad. It doesn't necessarily mean it's good, but still. I just walked out feeling like people are so negative sometimes. I mean, I tend to run on the cynical side from time to time, but I try to follow up my negativity with some thought on how to make things better. I found it interesting that we just skipped past our professor telling a story that culminated with the question, "How do I make the party better?" Looking back, I wonder if he told that story as a corrective to the negativity in the room. Anyway, seminary is a funny place.
• We also talked about the importance of being comfortable in one's own skin...Being comfortable with yourself. We all agreed that we are drawn to following people who seem to have that quality. I think that might be what I was trying to get at in earlier discussions when I suggested that some people are natural leaders, and that others, no matter how much training they receive, will never be comfortable as leaders. I wonder if the more elemental question has to do with being comfortable as...well, as whoever you happen to be. As our conversation progressed, I sensed a huge uneasiness with claiming personal leadership styles. Does that have to do with low self-esteem, an ability to articulate exactly, being afraid of others in the room, or simply never having thought of it? In any case, I've spent some time this week thinking about being comfortable as a 28-year-old, white, 6' 4", extroverted, male, from Missouri.
• Last weekend I visited a church in Florida. I had a great time meeting the people there. This call process is going to be so difficult. Once I visit someplace, and actually meet the people, the whole thing takes on a different, "face," if you will. Prayers for discernment would be greatly welcomed.
• For those of you West Wing fans out there, was the episode on Wednesday, February 23rd not absolutely amazing? I found myself holding my breath at certain points during the show. I continue to be amazed at how a TV show can have such a profound impact on my brain. I should recommend that episode to Bill Harkins, my pastoral care professor. People were working through a lot of "stuff," in that episode.
• What's so great about the barrier reef anyway? :)

Venture Cinema...The $1.99 dollar theatre. 

Lindsey & Laurie at Venture Cinema on Valentine's Day 

Valentine's Day plus

• Have you ever had one of those days when you see an ex and it just throws off your whole day? Well, that happened to me today. Without going into the details, I saw an ex, and it sent my emotions into a bit of a tailspin. What is it about former relationships that wreak such havoc on us? I mean, in our brains, we know that some people aren't right for us, yet we still yearn to recapture a closeness with them. Anyway, my day was a bit emotionally topsy turvy.
• I'm gonna go ahead and confess that I had a big drink at Los Bravos in Decatur, GA, and, "my brain," in the words of Winnie the Pooh, "feels fluffy."
• For Valentine's Day, I went to dinner with Weicher, Laurie, Lindsey, Jonathan, and Shannon at a chain restaurant (Chili's) and then went to see Ray at the dollar theatre. Actually, it now costs $1.99. I mean, what's up with that? Why not just charge $2.00? Is it that we feel like we're spending less if we don't actually see the $2? They must keep a lot of pennies on hand. Anyway, it was a good time. I took a couple of pictures that I might post later. I let the girl at the concession stand convince me to buy the large soda for fifty cents more. I didn't even remember buying it until half way through the movie. I did, however, munch down on some Hot Tamales. I love those things...especially at movies. I was really thankful to that crowd of folks for including me in the festivities. I feel like everyone in that group has been so gracious to me. They could have easily decided to turn their backs on me, but have, instead, included me on more occasions than I probably deserve.
• This call process thing is starting to wear on me. I just found out this evening that a church I interviewed with wants me to come visit, but has called some near and dear friends and told them they're exploring other options. It seems that some feelings are going to be hurt before this is all over.
• E'erbody in the Club Gettin' Tipsy! I love this song. I think my most vivid memories of it are from basketball at Shandon and one particular night at...well, at that dance club in Columbia, SC. I hate it when I forget stuff like that. Crazy stupid song, but way fun.
• We had some interesting discussions again tonight in Final Things. I think I'll save my reflections on that when I'm feeling a bit more awake. The getting up early each day this week is catching up with me. Until then, know that I'm still struggling a good bit with what it means to be a Christian leader. I've decided I'm open to the idea that all people are leaders, but still not sure that works out. Convince me.